10

Charismatic Characters (even the irritating ones!)

Continuing with my Round Robin blog posts, the topic we have been invited to write about this month is:

How do we express and expose our characters’ thoughts and emotions in our writing? How do we use viewpoint, and how do we switch between characters?

The first point I need to make is that I LOVE intense, emotional or poetic writing. My own writing might not match my ideal, but this is what I would hope to produce. Language is the key, and language also opens up places and characters.

I suppose that in a way ‘place’ is as important to me as the people who inhabit it. Landscapes speak to me – like Jon McGregor’s sparse but precise and beautifully balanced descriptions of Lincolnshire in This Isn’t The Sort Of Thing That Happens To Someone Like You, or the South Island New Zealand beach setting in Keri Hulme’s The Bone People. Place is what people respond to, and their response to somewhere – be it a landscape or a building or something that brings back a memory – is one thing that helps an author draw out their character.

It’s hard to say which kind of viewpoint works best for me – either as a reader or a writer. The idea of writing, first person, entirely from the main character’s point of view, is hugely engaging when you do it – so much easier to get inside someone’s head and go on a good old rant – but it also has huge limitations. I found this with my second novel that eventually became a first person coming-of-age story set against a backdrop of the declining clothing industry in Nottingham in the 1990s. Because my main character is a somewhat stroppy teenager as the story sets off, how do the readers get to like her? She has plenty of adversity to contend with and a fighting spirit, but each of us, as readers, probably draws a different line as to where something changes from adventurous, feisty and admirable to just plain irritating or badly behaved.

Then there is the decision to make as to whether to allow the character hindsight – so that they can almost ‘narrate’ their back story and the reader can tell in advance whether they’ve learnt from their mistakes. Personally I love writing in the present tense which mitigates against doing this – mainly because it feels so immediate and allows a reader to feel ‘in’ the situation with a character. Trying to place a reader right in a situation – maybe one of danger or where moral choices have to be made – helps them to ‘buy in’ to the character’s emotional journey and identify with it.

Our characters also need other characters to bounce off. The other characters’ reactions will tell us if someone is rejected or on the fringes and will demonstrate the day-to-day challenges they have to face. Conversely, how a character responds to a situation betrays their personality and state of mind – whether they panic, or show sympathy, or have a chip on their shoulder. I used to write in the emotion that a character was feeling too much or too literally (‘she was anxious’), but have learned to let their reaction (a body twitch or habit, a knee-jerk response rather than something that reflects their true feelings) show the reader what they really feel. And of course there is nothing better that having two intense and most-likely mismatched characters who come head-to-head in a book and fight out their space and the storyline to the end.

It is fascinating to find out how a reader views a character you have written. A friend who critiqued the first draft of my most recent novel for me said of one character: ‘what a woman!’. I loved that – that they had engaged enough to feel this about her. In writing a novel you have to come to a position where you absolutely know how your characters would respond or react to something – and make sure you let them be true to their own personality. Nothing irritates a reader more, for instance, than an ending that is clever but that is achieved at the expense of ‘keeping in character’ right to the end.

If we use third person – he, she, etc – and allow several different characters to have voices in our book then we can see the same situation but from different people’s perspectives, so a quick line of space or section break and a flip to a different character’s voice can be very effective. I tend to plan a book’s outline structure with the ‘viewpoint’ of each scene listed at the side and aim for a mix of the main viewpoints so that no one character is lost for too long in the storyline. Sometimes a character becomes so strong, or the flow of a scene feels so powerful, that I just have to follow that viewpoint despite my planning for some other one to take the fore. It feels good when the story is flowing strongly in this way.

The other thing I have learned to do better over time is to keep secrets. The reader needs to find out things about the characters and their past experiences and influences, and in real life we rarely know these things about the people that we meet. Revealing these things through conversations or plot developments or backstory makes the reader reassess what they have come to think about a character. In my most recent book one of the central characters, who is deaf, befriends a man in her village who shares her sense of internal isolation. We, as readers, know from page one that he is a killer, but she does not. It was a big decision to make as to whether to reveal this early on or gradually – should the reader be placed in a position to worry about her, or to share some dawning about this man’s past? But giving his background upfront, and then elaborating on where this stemmed from during the book, also allowed our killer’s viewpoint to become more meaningful – a chance to share his thoughts and emotions, too.

Find out how other bloggers bring their characters to life:

Dr. Bob Rich https://wp.me/p3Xihq-1ag
Connie Vines http://mizging.blogspot.com/
Helena Fairfax http://www.helenafairfax.com/blog
Fiona McGier http://www.fionamcgier.com/
Judith Copek http://lynx-sis.blogspot.com/
Marci Baun http://www.marcibaun.com/blog/
A.J. Maguire http://ajmaguire.wordpress.com/
Skye Taylor http://www.skye-writer.com/blogging_by_the_sea
Anne Stenhouse http://annestenhousenovelist.wordpress.com/
Beverley Bateman http://beverleybateman.blogspot.ca/
Diane Bator http://dbator.blogspot.ca/
Rhobin L Courtright http://www.rhobinleecourtright.com 

© Anne de Gruchy

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0

In Praise of Ten Under-Appreciated Things – No 1: Masking Tape

In anticipation of the New Year I thought that I’d try something new with my blog and give you a ‘mini series’ to savour. And what better way to start the New Year than with a post about Masking Tape!

Last week, my internet connection was playing up. According to my house-sharer (who uses the internet for long-enough periods to notice, unlike me) it was going down every couple of hours for ten minutes or so – certainly enough to make watching her latest Netflix series genuinely annoying. We exchanged watching Netflix for watching the lights on my router – a flickering bundle of green and red to compete with my Christmas tree. Sadly, the intermittent red showed there to be a problem, Houston.

There followed telephone calls to my phone and internet provider (yes, I am still on a phone-line system for my computer needs!) and to a local DIY store to order and replace the parts that might be going wrong. It could be, I was assured, the connection box on the wall (my cost and more hassle if so), the filter, the phone divider point, or the router itself. The bits duly arrived and were duly tested in due order and we may (or may not) have sorted the problem.

So what, you ask, does this have to do with masking tape? Well, as the photograph below illustrates, the phone point connection into my house is located in a very awkward place on the wall above the narrow end of the windowsill of the bay window of my lounge. In addition to the risk of the wiring and filter being moved when the curtains are drawn, there is nowhere to sit the filter or ongoing connections – which would then naturally dangle from the phone point like a tumbling acrobat tower. Enter the masking tape. A couple of wide strips to anchor the filter to the end of the windowsill with the ongoing wires pointed in the right direction, and we are sorted.

annedegruchy.co.uk image: masking tape holding up telephone filter

This got me thinking about how much I love masking tape – and about how many other under-appreciated things I might write about. I made a list, but – TEASER WARNING – you’ll have to read on over the coming months to find out what made it into my top ten!

As for the masking tape – it floats my boat for many reasons that might include the following:

• What better way to anchor the wire of the fairy lights that I wind up the stairs at Christmas? Masking tape traps it to the floor where the wire goes from the power point, under the rug, to the stairs on the other side of the hall. No risk of tripping, unless you’ve been mixing those Christmas drinks again.

• When I am painting my skirting boards I can whiz along quickly without fear of snaking a line of paint along the floorboards, too. They, of course, are protected by a beautiful line of masking tape.

• When I am drilling holes in dusty walls and don’t want dusty carpets underneath, a small piece of masking tape angled out from the wall beneath where I am making the hole will catch all the residue on the sticky side of the tape. This has the additional benefit of being able to fold the sticky bits in on themselves to trap the dust in a nice masking tape parcel that can then be thrown away.

• Masking tape cat-hair collector! Apply it to your carpet or sofa, but try to avoid the cat. (Actually, wearing plastic gloves and dampening your hands works equally well and probably collects more hair – the cat doesn’t like wet plastic gloves, either).

• Good for sealing the top of the Christmas tree box in a way that holds everything together just long enough to undo it all again (without damage to the box) in a year’s time.

• With masking tape you can seal the back of framed pictures but still change your mind without causing too much damage – useful for when your son changes his girlfriend or you change your cat (no, of course I wouldn’t!).

Of course the definitive properties of masking tape that make it so useful are that: a) it sticks to anything, and: b) it unsticks from anything. Of course eventually it dries up and unsticks regardless of whether you want it to or not, but I am happy to forgive it this small weakness.

Please do feel free to suggest your own uses. I could equally have sung the praises of duct tape (Duck brand or otherwise), but I would probably not have been unstuck in time to post this…

© Anne de Gruchy

0

Finding my ‘Few Concerns’

As those of you who follow my blog will be aware, I have recently been deeply involved in studying and facilitating workshops on simplicity – a theme that evolved because of the need to simplify my own life both materially and with regard to my commitments. The irony of the whole process has been the discovery of quite how complex ‘simplicity’ is!

Amidst all my research and reading, one of the pieces that stood out for me is the very popular excerpt from Thomas Kelly’s work as quoted in Quaker Faith & Practice:

I wish I might emphasise how a life becomes simplified when dominated by faithfulness to a few concerns. Too many of us have too many irons in the fire. We get distracted by the intellectual claim to our interest in a thousand and one good things, and before we know it we are pulled and hauled breathlessly along by an over-burdened programme of good committees and good undertakings. I am persuaded that this fevered life of church workers is not wholesome. Undertakings get plastered on from the outside because we can’t turn down a friend. Acceptance of service on a weighty committee should really depend upon an answering imperative within us, not merely upon a rational calculation of the factors involved. The concern-orientated life is ordered and organised from within. And we learn to say No as well as Yes by attending to the guidance of inner responsibility. Quaker simplicity needs to be expressed not merely in dress and architecture and height of tombstones but also in the structure of a relatively simplified and co-ordinated life-programme of social responsibilities.

Thomas R Kelly, 1941
Quaker Faith & Practice – Chapter 20: 20.36

So recently I have been thinking about this and trying to discern what the ‘few concerns’ are that I, myself, should be faithful to.

This is easier said than done. At the moment there are many strands taking up my time and attention and each one feels ‘right’ and important, yet I know I cannot sustain them all for much longer. For quite a while now I have felt the need to ‘hold’ these things until the time when it becomes clear which ones I should move forward with and which ones will drop away.

In no particular order, some of the key pieces of my life at the moment are:

• My paid employment. My job working with the local authority in a team responsible for implementing the Mental Capacity Act provision on Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards is important to me. I am part of a friendly team, and when I am in paid work I feel fulfilled and part of society. Paid work and its routine also tends to have a beneficial impact on my mental health. This is a temporary post, so I need to make decisions about what to do when it comes to an end next April.

• My writing. Always a mix of pleasure and discipline, I am well into writing my fourth novel with a lovely agent trying to find a home for my third one. Normally I do not try to combine full-on novel writing and a job, but with someone believing in me and championing my work, now is not the time to lose my focus.

• My family. My father continues to have a good slice of my time and attention as he settles into life in residential care. An unexpected knock-on effect of him moving close to me is the ‘Anne de Gruchy Bed and Breakfast Service for Relatives’ for people who want to visit my dad! It is lovely to see my family so often, but does not help with earmarking time to write or work. Amidst all this, I am trying to maintain the lovely relationship I have with my son.

• My friends. These are getting rather squeezed out at the moment – except for the ones who I land on for a week to use them as a base for a ‘writing retreat’! Most of my friends are long-standing and we are used to flurries of contact with some longer gaps when other commitments come to the fore. It is gold-dust to have such friends in my life. Local friends probably think I have just hibernated for the winter…

• My partner/boyfriend (cue argument re how to refer to your ‘other half’ when you are 57 and definitely no longer a ‘girl’!). It is lovely to have love and companionship come my way unexpectedly at this stage in my life, but I need to give it attention to flourish and there is that tricky problem of distance…

• Community. I love where I live. I want to contribute. I don’t have time to do this but could choose to work/write less and contribute more. And what if a move of area becomes appropriate because of the new relationship? Do I feel able to risk uprooting and starting all over again? Ditto for my spiritual life and connections with the Quaker community.

You see my dilemma! Part of me feels excited by all the possibilities, and a lot depends on whether I can get a publishing deal. In the meantime I am trying to save money against a possible gap in employment and looking forward to the opportunities that the New Year will bring. I will be running some more Simplicity sessions in 2018 and hope to introduce some creative exercises to aid discernment. I am hoping to listen to my own advice!

The one thing that is certain is that I need this list to be shorter and more focused by the middle of next year. Please do remind me if I haven’t shown progress by then, and please do share your own stories and ideas about the ‘few concerns’ that speak to you in your own life.

annedegruchy.co.uk image: Christmas wreath

MAD MOMENT

Well – I have just dyed my hair and it now has bright lilac and purple streaks! Will I ever learn?

MARVEL MOMENT

My ‘new’ man is rapidly becoming my ‘old’ man – still together and going good!

© Anne de Gruchy

5

Translating Travel into Fiction

ROUND ROBIN BLOG POST

Continuing with my Round Robin blog posts we have been invited this month to write about one or all of the following:

What stories have your written or read where a holiday takes place. To what purpose was the inclusion of the holiday? How do you celebrate holidays or events? Does this ever make it into one of your stories?

Well as soon as I saw this I thought about the first novel that I wrote which was inspired largely by a holiday.

It was back in my ‘L’ Plate writer days, when I still believed that it was best to write about what you know. I had lost a job because my depression had become so severe and I had time on my hands – and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not a happy person unless I’m busy. So, to help both my depression and the long days ahead of me, I decided to write a book. Just like that (as Tommy Cooper might say). The remarkable thing is that I actually did write that book, and I was even supported in doing so by a ‘New Work and Commissions Award for Literature’ from East Midlands Arts.

So, how did I decide what to write? Well, because I was depressed at the time the navel-gazing part of me was interested in exploring recovery from depression. To pivot the storyline on a more substantial event I decided that the cause of the depression for my protagonist would be the loss of a baby – another autobiographical feature of the book. Not long before this my husband, son and I had been on a brilliant holiday travelling round Scotland for two weeks by train and staying at Youth Hostels along the way. The scenery in Scotland is so beautiful, and for me it really engages the soul – I think Scotland has felt like a spiritual home for as long as I have been going there. So this holiday and that journey crept into the book. Add in a complete stranger for my protagonist to travel with and I had the makings of a story.

Now I come to think of it, that book also contained a second holiday within it – a city break we did in Amsterdam. I had a second story strand based in Amsterdam, and corresponded with an acquaintance who lived there to get the details right. This is in complete contrast to the book that I am writing at the moment which has three different settings abroad as part of the storyline, none of which I have visited at all. Of course, this may well change given my love of detailed research and the multiple offers I have received from people who would like to visit these places with me. ‘It’s part of your research, you must do it!’ they say – if only the space in my diary said the same…

annedegruchy.co.uk image: Saltire flag on ferry

The novel that my agent is currently pitching to publishers also has a holiday in it. A serial killer forms a friendship with a woman who was born profoundly deaf because they share an internal sense of isolation from the world. When he kills in his own village the invasion by the press and the police is too much for either of them to bear and they go away to a cottage in Norfolk together. This brings a breather in the plot, a sense of jeopardy for the deaf woman, and an intensification of their relationship. It is also a natural response of the characters as we have grown to know them to the situation. The woman has a special relationship with the community land in the village and this is desecrated by the murder and the police cordon prevents access to her treasured land. The killer is trying to escape his nature and the consequences of his actions.

Thinking further on this topic reminds me of one of my all-time favourite books: Knowledge of Angels by Jill Paton Walsh. This is the most brilliant novel set in medieval times and exploring philosophical issues around belief in God. I love the way that this issue is explored through the stories of a girl brought up by wolves and a ship-wrecked atheist, and how the Cardinal of the island’s attempts to convince the atheist of the existence to God leads to a friendship of intellectual equals and also to tradegy. Paton Walsh says that the novel is set on ‘an island somewhat like Mallorca, but not Mallorca’, and the presence of the island is there in spades. I could identify the place she drew from for the setting for the imprisonment of the atheist and the walks he took with the Cardinal as they discussed theology. It added much to my enjoyment of the novel to have this sense of place as I read. Do read it! And recommendations of books with holidays and travel at the centre would be most welcome…

Find out what other bloggers think about this topic:

Skye Taylor http://www.skye-writer.com/blogging_by_the_sea
Dr. Bob Rich https://bobrich18.wordpress.com/2017/11/18/holidays
Helena Fairfax http://www.helenafairfax.com/blog
A.J. Maguire http://ajmaguire.wordpress.com/
Diane Bator http://dbator.blogspot.ca/
Rachael Kosinski http://rachaelkosinski.weebly.com/
Rhobin L Courtright http://www.rhobinleecourtright.com
Marci Baun http://www.marcibaun.com/round-robin-november-2017-holidays-traditions-writing/

© Anne de Gruchy

9

Novel Writing – The Dilemmas of Time Travelling!

A Round Robin Post

First of all, an apology. All of those who hit the link to my blog expecting a big sci-fi epic are about to be disappointed – today, in our Round Robin blog posts, we have been posed the question:

In what time period do you prefer to set your stories – past, present, or future? What are the problems and advantages of that choice? Would you like to change?

I suppose, as a starting point, I should admit that all of my novels have started in a contemporary setting – they are about events that are happening now, but the present story generally relates to an important back story which is told throughout the book. How I structure the book to contain the backstory is the tricky bit. There is an exception, but I’ll come to that later.

Secondly, I absolutely love writing in the present tense. This has become more fashionable now, but when I wrote my first novel many years ago it was quite unusual. I like the present tense because it is immediate – the reader is in the situation with the characters and there is less chance of just ‘telling’ the story rather than showing it through the actions and responses of the characters. There is no chance of ‘wrong-footing’ your reader as everything is happening page by page.

As my novels have progressed, the way that I ‘time travel’ from present to backstory has got more and more complicated.

My first book was a deliberately linear story, covering a five month period and told from the viewpoint of four main characters. The theme is a woman coming to terms with the loss of a baby through travelling around Scotland with a complete stranger. The loss of the baby is backstory, but is expressed through things that evoke memories and through building trust with someone to confide in.

My second book is my exception and began with a structure that I have used in some way in all my following novels – there is a present storyline interspersed with the backstory both forming their own cohesive narratives. In this book I have very short snippets of the present (the making of a couture wedding dress) preceded by long sections of backstory. This is an unusual book for me as it is narrated first person – a brilliant opportunity to get into the head of a dysfunctional teenager who comes of age through motherhood. However the book is set against a backdrop of the declining clothing industry in Nottingham in the 1990s. This posed a dilemma when I abandoned the book for many years following a marriage break up. When I returned to it the 1990s had gone but the events and characters were pertinent to that time. I completely rewrote the book, and by default it had a ‘historical’ setting (albeit recent) which spoke about a period of history in a city’s life.

The book that is going out to publishers now, my third book, also has a structure that time travels from past to present – each section beginning with a crime committed by a serial killer, then returning to the present to tell the story of his friendship with a woman who was born profoundly deaf and their connection to the fenland landscape. This flowed well, because the present story sections formed a linear narrative to hold things together. I cannot say that I am finding this kind of structure and time slip as easy in the book that I am writing now!

So, to the present (in my writing of books, anyway). The novel I am working on now is proving a bit of a beast to tame! I know exactly what happens, and could have chosen to write this as a direct linear narrative covering the period of a year or so. However the book (currently) begins with an event that falls in the MIDDLE of this narrative – posing problems as to how to go both backwards and forwards with the storyline. I have tried many variations – only last week I restructured the balance of the book – and I still can’t work out where to use past and present tense!

Backwards, forwards, and everywhere in-between – my writing is definitely a bit of a time travelling machine. I, and the reader, never know quite where we might end up!!

Find out more about past, present and future in other writers’ work at:

Marie Laval http://marielaval.blogspot.co.uk/
Skye Taylor http://www.skye-writer.com/blogging_by_the_sea
Dr. Bob Rich http://wp.me/p3Xihq-14G
Anne Stenhouse http://annestenhousenovelist.wordpress.com/
A.J. Maguire http://ajmaguire.wordpress.com/
Judith Copek http://lynx-sis.blogspot.com/
Victoria Chatham http://www.victoriachatham.com
Beverley Bateman http://beverleybateman.blogspot.ca/
Heidi M. Thomas http://heidiwriter.wordpress.com/
Marci Baun http://www.marcibaun.com/blog/
Helena Fairfax http://www.helenafairfax.com/blog
Diane Bator http://dbator.blogspot.ca/
Rhobin L Courtright http://www.rhobinleecourtright.com

© Anne de Gruchy

4

Sharing my Spiritual Scrapbook

Today, at my Centering Prayer group, we tried out a different format. Instead of listening to some teaching on DVD we decided to bring a poem to share. We started with our usual 20 minute silent meditation then the four of us who were present read out poems or canticles that spoke to us in some way.

It was a moving time, and the most amazing range of poems and emotions were shared. Two that stood out for me were:

The Bright Field by R S Thomas
St Francis and the Sow by Galway Kinnell.

For myself, I shared a poem that my mother had once typed out and sent to me. It is called Under a Wilshire Apple Tree and is attributed to Anna Bunstone de Bary, date unknown. It begins with the following stanza:

Some folks as can afford,
So I’ve heard say,
Set up a sort of cross
Right in the garden way
To mind ‘em of the Lord.
But I, when I do see
Thik apple tree
An’ stoopin’ limb
All spread wi’ moss
I think of Him
And how He talks wi’ me.

Sharing this, I also shared with my friends the Spiritual Scrapbook that I have been keeping for 20 years. This is a very special hard-backed A5 book that my sister gave me when I had an adult baptism in 1997 (I had not discovered the Quakers then and was part of a vibrant Baptist church). My sister wrote an inscription at the front: ‘For your thoughts and special prayers’, and the book is very dear to me. I share some photographs of a few of the pages in this post.

annedegruchy.co.uk image: Spiritual Scrapbook Page

Over the years I have written or stuck into the book sayings, prayers, postcards and poems that have had special meaning to me. There are parts of Celtic liturgies that we used when I studied Contextual Theology, postcards of crosses at monasteries and in mud huts, spoken ministry from Quaker meetings, and many cards with prayers and poems sent to me by my mother when she was still alive.

My mother was such a special support to me, and her faith saw me through some very dark times in my life. I treasure every single thing she sent when I was down and she wanted to help me through. My biggest sadness is that in the last few years of her own life she experienced a crisis of faith. But my mother was a gardener, and God was very close to her, and I’m sure that God spoke to her through that apple tree with stooping limb even when the light of faith was dim.

    

MAD MOMENT

New man, new distance relationship! Watch this space!

MARVEL MOMENT

As above!!!

© Anne de Gruchy

0

Deafness and Dementia

Today, dear readers, I bring you the saga of dad and his rather wonky relationship with his hearing aids, and also the sad tale of going to a magnificent organ recital at Southwell Minster without being able to hear properly.

Dad is fairly deaf. Without his hearing aids he is unable to hear much, but even with them we often find he cannot tell what we are saying. Sometimes he will sit and fiddle and pull them out of his ears, and the hearing aids will squeak and whine and drive everybody nuts except dad who cannot make out what we are moaning about. In the past he used to take them apart and try to fix them and was then unable to put them back together again, but his Alzheimer’s is so bad now that it no longer even occurs to him to attempt this.

Now when dad can’t hear the first thing I do is to persuade him to hand over the goods so that I can check his hearing aids. This usually results in the discovery that:

a) He has not put a battery in, or it has fallen out and he didn’t notice.
b) The battery still has the sticky label on the back.
c) The tubes in the hearing aids are blocked with wax.

Sometimes it is simply a case of a dud battery, but dad no longer appears to hear or understand the diddly tune that the hearing aid plays to indicate that the battery is working.

Last week I visited dad to take him for a walk with the dog and then waffles and maple syrup at the local coffee shop afterwards. When I arrived a rather puzzled looking staff member was trying to clean and adjust his hearing aids. Together we tried to prize off tubes, clear out wax, and find some batteries that actually appeared to work. This task was not helped by the fact that the box of spare batteries had magically disappeared.

Meanwhile dad huffed and puffed around his room, unable to hear a word we said and unable to read the messages I tried to write down because he could not see. He looked for his ‘puffer’ – a rubber contraption that puffs air through the hearing aid tubes to clear them of wax and rubbish. I tried to indicate to him that I had already managed to clean the tubes but he was determined. The proverbial rock and the hard place would both disintegrate instantly if they encountered a dad-level of stubbornness.

Eventually dad located the ‘puffer’ on his washbasin and shared with us that he has been filling it with water and squirting this into his ears to clean them! (Dad, along with his dementia and poor eyesight, is finding some intriguing new uses for things – for instance smoothing the bumps on his nose using his electric razor or rubbing toothpaste into his leg instead of his ulcer-prevention cream).

Hearing aids sorted, dad was still unable to hear. We consulted one of the nursing team about checking his ears for wax and syringing them properly, but this had been done recently and was not safe to do on a frequent basis. We resigned ourselves to dad being completely deaf for the day and breathed a sigh of relief that the service appointment I had made at the hearing aid clinic happened to be the next day.

So how did things pan out? Why, you might ask, did dad have to go to the organ concert four days later without his hearing aids?

Well apparently the hearing aids work perfectly, but sadly dad was found to have a bad ear infection in both ears – no doubt exacerbated by using a ‘puffer’ as an impromptu syringe. He was still under treatment for the infection when we did our trip to Southwell Minster (Matthew Martin’s organ playing was amazing, with a very interesting repertoire of pieces) and his hearing aids were soaking in sterilizing solution. Despite going hearing aid-less, dad could hold a level of conversation if I spoke loudly as I faced him – it was the infection that had rendered him unable to hear at all.

What struck me most, though, was how absolutely helpless we were when dad found himself completely deaf. We could not communicate or reassure him at all because of his poor eyesight – he has recently been registered as Severely Sight Impaired – and because of his tendency to fixate on inappropriate things. It felt so sad seeing him flail around in distress seeking his own solutions and repeatedly asking ‘why can’t I have my hearing aids?’ It reminded me how important gentle reassurance and explanation can be for people like dad who are living with dementia.

Hopefully by the time I see him next he will be back to normal – whatever that is in his dazzlingly different dementia universe – complete with hearing aids and pristinely clean ear canals.

annedegruchy.co.uk image: Dad and Southwell Minster

MAD MOMENT

It has been a while since I posted a ‘mad moment’ so I shall cheat and borrow one from a few weeks back when I was ill with a viral bug and simply couldn’t stand up without fainting. I was crawling round the house and going to the loo was a trial. One time I could feel myself losing consciousness as I tried to reach the loo and the next moment I woke up on the floor with a broken toilet seat cover lying on top of me. The pain from the fall and the damage to my pelvis has been excruciating. It felt so surreal, just coming to after blacking out and finding myself there with the toilet cover and bruises all up my right side. Am very nervous of any feelings of dizziness now.

MARVEL MOMENT

Wonderful walk round the heathland and woods of Woolbeding Common during a visit to Sussex for a friend’s wedding anniversary do. Just drinking in the peace and watching the butterflies. The joy of being able to stand upright and go for short walks again!

© Anne de Gruchy